i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
