I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
