If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
