a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
