he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
