wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
