i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
COCAINE IS GR8
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
