: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
