maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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