if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
