Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
