If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize