I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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