omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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