I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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