She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
