my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
