Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
