I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
