I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
