You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
