Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we're chasing vodka with high fives
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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