How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
