my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize