oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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