sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
