last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she told me i tasted like america
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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