Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
