Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
