sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
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