woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do vagina's smell?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize