I want to have your abortion
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
