Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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