She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
