I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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