girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
