I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
