WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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