I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
your like the ambassador to my penis.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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