Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
