Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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