if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
