I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
