The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
