My brain says no but my pants say off.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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