She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
