We're like a lot better than the average bears
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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