please come you make the beer taste better
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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