You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
