I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he thought i was a dude.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
