I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
