I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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