Will you blow on my dice?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
