yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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