Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
