She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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