Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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