I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
