My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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