i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
