he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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