i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
