he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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