I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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