I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
