I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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