We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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