I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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