I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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